Feeling Thirteen Again (or Twenty One)

This morning I called a radio station. Haven’t done THAT since I was in middle school. Come on, you know you did it too… a request for a song here, a dedication there… (maybe a Vanessa Williams song? No? Then Bon Jovi. COME ON. ADMIT IT.) Anyway, a morning show was having a talk about which celebrities have reputations as bad or good tippers, and people? I have not only opinions, but also stories on this topic. So many stories.

When I moved to New York in 2001, I was fresh out of college. I was optimistic, single (ish… that’s a story for another day) and living with a good friend in a tiny apartment on the Upper East Side. That apartment was so awesome, and by “awesome” I mean “crazy.” It had originally been part of the apartment next door and they had been split in half to make two apartments. Hey, guess which side got all the original plumbing? (Hint: not mine.) And so along with the weirdness that was a very triangular-shaped bathroom, the bathroom had no sink.

I’ll let that sink in for a minute– no pun intended… NO SINK. As in, no place to, you know, brush your teeth, wash your face… the things one tends to do in bathroom sinks. But luckily, our kitchen sink was right on the other side of the wall! And was a deep double sink! So we adapted, and one side of the sink was for kitchen duties and the other was for teeth brushing and face washing.

It was weird.

Anyway, back to the stories. I was living in New York and waiting tables, which is obviously the dream of EVERY college graduate, and I worked at a great little restaurant on the Upper West Side. We had a fair number of famous people come in, and clearly we all took note of who tipped well and who didn’t. We had a few famous regular customers (Alan Alda and his wife… so nice) and some who came in from time to time (Jason Biggs with various girlfriends; Tom Cavanaugh, always 15 minutes before closing time but always hung out with the waiters after his meal and left a big tip so no one minded) and then there were the big names who only came in once.

I had to call the station to report my best and worst famous FAMOUS tippers… ladies and gentlemen, Renee Zellweger is a huge tipper. Love her. Seventy percent tip. Which is why, even when people complain about her scrunchy face and the fact that she never wears anything but Carolina Herrera, I will always love her. Well, those reasons and the movie version of “Chicago.” (“They’re gonna wait outside in line to get to see ROXIE.”)

Worst tipper? The girl from the block. The girl who probably, at some point in her career, had to wait tables to get by, the girl who has the rep for being as high maintenance as they come… Jennifer Lopez. Is anyone surprised? All the waiters kind of were! Eight percent, ya’ll. EIGHT. That is some bad karma right there, Jennifer. Weren’t you married to a waiter once?

So that’s the story of why I, a thirty-one year old, called a radio station. And I’m not embarrassed. But Jennifer Lopez should be. Eight percent tip? FOR SHAME, JENNY. For shame.

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3 Comments on “Feeling Thirteen Again (or Twenty One)”

  1. Jordan says:

    For shame JLo! This post is great.

  2. Aviatrixt says:

    I’m not ordinarily a celebrity hound, but this post made me giggle. Thanks for the 411!

  3. tillie says:

    wow 8% – that’s SAD. loved this post!! 🙂


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