For Your Children

When I got online this morning at work, my google alerts popped up with news of a shooting in Ohio; specifically, a school shooting. I also heard about it through Twitter via Katy (for some reason WordPress won’t let me hyperlink… http://www.kakakakaty.com/), who lives not far from the school where the shooting happened.

These are the things that make my heart, quite literally, sink and my stomach turn and I’m faced with stark fear and dread. I’m overwhelmed by the choices we make for our children everyday: what we feed them, what we allow them to see on television, what we purchase. We teach them about health and exercise and being a good person, about treating others as you want to be treated. We teach them how to hold our hands when we crossing the street, about looking both ways, about not talking to strangers. We help them memorize phone numbers and addresses; we teach them to be responsible and kind.

Where on that list is the line item that tells us how to teach our kids what do to when a fellow student walks in to the cafeteria and starts firing a gun at people? Where is that? Because I can’t explain it, even to myself, and I sure as hell don’t know how to explain something like that to my five year-old.

And we shouldn’t have to be afraid to send our children to school. But I am.

Thank You, Internet

This is my beautiful grandmother. Her name was Isabel, but her grandchildren called her Danny.

She was an amazing, loving, smart funny woman who loved and was loved by all who knew her. She was truly selfless, which is an incredible and rare trait, and I loved her so much.

She passed away on November 5, at home, surrounded by her children. Everyone should get to exit their life in such a graceful, calm way… she was a graceful and calm woman, so it surprised no one.

For the past five years, she had been fighting an increasingly difficult battle with Alzheimer’s and dementia, and it was so hard for her; though, even when she didn’t recognize the people around her, she was constantly thanking them for helping her. She was, in short, always a lady.

The morning of her funeral, after I had flown to Louisiana quickly with my sister and was staying with my parents, I thought for a moment and updated twitter with a quick note:

“Saying goodbye to my beloved grandmother this morning. Hard, hard day.”

I had debated whether to say anything online at all, because it seemed so personal. But if there’s anything I’ve learned about the internet lately, it’s that these people I communicate with daily, some of whom I have never met and some I never will meet… these people are friends. I can’t tell you the number of @ replies, DM’s, texts and emails I received immediately following my tweet, and it made me feel loved and supported and helped. I had such support from my friends and family, and it was invaluable;  the unexpected response from you lovely internet people meant the world to me.

I like to think my Danny would have approved; she loved good friends.

Thank you, internet. Thank you so much.

I COULD Actually Update. I realize this.

Allow me to dust off Ye Olde Blogge in honor of this past weekend, which was The Blathering. Ya’ll, THE BLATHERING. And it was here in my backyard! (Well, not my actual backyard. But in Austin!) This was both really awesome and really hard. I didn’t have to fly anywhere to get to meet a bunch of amazing women I’ve been reading forever, but on the other hand, I didn’t GET to fly anywhere to meet a bunch of amazing women. And what I mean by that is that since I live here, I didn’t feel like I could just wave goodbye to Casey and the kids and be all “See ya! Off to Blather!” for the whole weekend. It would have felt odd to do that, and so I went to just a handful of the activities. BUT.

They were AWESOME activities. I got to meet so many amazing, funny, smart, witty women and I just… well, I can’t wait until next year. I didn’t even get to meet everyone! I am bereft! But those of you I did meet, you are fabulous and incredible and I sure wish you’d come back to Austin again soon. So, in your honor, I have a round-up of sorts. Please know that I loved everyone I met and could have talked to you all for hours and days and weeks; when I think of this weekend, here are a few things that stick out in my mind.

1. Best Decorating Blatheringer: Elizabeth. Man, that lady is CRAFTY. Her decorations were so fun and colorful and clever and I kind of want to wear my Blathering name tag everywhere. (That’s not weird at all.) Plus she’s thoughtful and smart and I so enjoyed meeting her.

2. Best Accessorizer: (Shut it. It’s totally a word) Christina. I want every single piece of jewelry she wore during the weekend. Also her headbands. And her smile. (Though I didn’t get to hear her say “hot ham!” which is my favorite expression of hers and which I’m attempting to appropriate.)

3. Best Sport: SarahLena. OH MY LORD ya’ll she flew standby and kept getting bumped and SLEPT AT THE AIRPORT ON SUNDAY NIGHT and SarahLena please come back some day I swear Austin isn’t so bad. I’ll host you and make you cookies and anything you want. (Also, I so, so, so enjoyed talking with you on Friday night.)

4. Best Organizer: A’Dell. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I know the organzing a dinner for 50 people flying from all over the country was probably a task that drove you to drink, and you are awesome. (For many other reasons as well, but thank you for all of your skills that made the weekend happen.)

5. Best Stories: Emily. Two phrases that, when paired, will have me laughing long after this weekend: car wreck and azaleas.

6. Best Hair: Lauren. (Seriously. She is going to think I’m a hair stalker.) Also, Lauren, I loved getting to talk with you and wish we had had more time to chat! Also, Walker Percy is one of my favorite authors in the world and I love that you have one of my favorite quotes of his on your blog header.

7. Best Fellow Austinite and Champagne Gifter: Regan. I love that I get to hang out with you more than just once a year, and thanks for not minding that my kid keeps trying to feed your baby a pacifier.

8. Best Houseguests: Elisabeth, Natalie and Jonna. You girls are AMAZING. I love you all and I want you to come back any time you feel like it. I mean that. (Jonna: coughBRINGSAMcough)

9. Best “Felt Like I Already Knew You” Ladies: Kristie and Manda. I truly think that we would become friends regardless of the situation in which we met. You are lovely, funny, wonderful people and I can’t wait to get to hang out again sometime.

10. Best Everyone I Didn’t Get to Meet: I am so sad about that, and I hope that we all get together next year because I DO want to meet all of you!

And finally, I have to give a Best Introducing Me to the Internet People Award to Jennie, without whom I would not be writing for Style Lush, would not have met ANY of you lovely ladies, and whom I am grateful to for friendship.

Blathering ladies, thanks a million. I’ll be back next year.

The Other Shoe

First off, THANK YOU for the comments on my last post… I so appreciate knowing that ya’ll didn’t think I was crazy for my reaction to the Popped Pool Toy situation. In fact, I felt so good after reading all of those that I was able to quit thinking about the whole situation altogether! So thank you, thank you.

Now on to something much less controversial, and, in my opinion, a much bigger thing to think about. I’m pretty much an optimist, first and foremost. I think about the worst thing that could happen, as many people probably do, but I don’t sit around waiting for the other shoe to drop. When things are good, I try to feel lucky and not dwell on the negatives, though I’m certainly guilty of that more than I’d like.

I’m not sure how many of you follow Jennifer Perillo on Twitter or via her blog, but she unexpectedly lost her husband last week. With no warning, she not only lost the love of her life but also the father of her two daughters. One Sunday morning, she woke up with her family intact, and when she went to bed that night, her family was changed forever.

I’m married to the love of my life, and I have two daughters. I haven’t stopped thinking about Jennifer, and though I don’t know her personally, I suspect she’ll be on my mind and in my prayers often and for a long time to come.

And then today, my mom called. Her cousin, the father of two middle-school aged daughters whom my daughters ADORE, had a completely unexpected heart attack and died yesterday. His wife is now a widow. His daughters have lost their daddy. He won’t see them graduate high school, go to college, get married, have children. He and his wife won’t grow old together. They lost him. LOST him. I can’t wrap my mind around it.

So, for Jennifer and for my cousins, I’m going to remember that the little things, the bothersome things, the daily annoyances pale in comparison to the fact that I HAVE my loves. I’m going to try to remember this often, and regularly, and be thankful.

Jennifer, my condolences for your terrible loss. I’ll be thinking of you and of Mikey and your beautiful girls, with much love.